Randomness of my mind

I was reminded today in a big way that my life rocks....I know I will complain about being tired from school or stressed out, but if I look at my life in the big picture sense it is outstanding. Big ups (yes I just said big ups) to the Lord for carrying me through some pretty hard crap, I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. I don't mean to brag....I have some unfun stuff that I have to deal with from time to time, but I've got the most amazing people down here helping me through them...It's amazing to finally get to a place where you can look back on a situation that broke your heart, and your like BOOYA I don't even give a care...I love love love that feeling.

In other non-self affirming news I saw an awesome old man on a moped yesterday....There were fifty thousand tractors on Mansfield Rd, Bert Kouns, and Williamson Way this morning....is there a tractor convention in town?? Bobby Jindal is going to be on Leno tonight or sometime soon (I can't remember the date). I thought this to be quite odd, who cares what the Governor of Louisiana has to say....then I remembered Hurricane Katrina and all the political implications that apply.

In awesome news the diet dr pepper can has Indiana Jones (Finder of Rare Antiquities and the First Name in Adventure)....I wish that appeared everytime my name was mentioned....that would amazing....So I'm in a very good mood....not that I'm usually in a bad mood....today it's just extra good....I might be crying in like three days because I have massive amounts of assignments do......(enter feeling of sickness)

What say you say??

Doubt is a crazy thing. We doubt a lot of things in our lives. As a generation we're pretty cynical. I think cynicism is the heart of doubt. I had a discussion tonight about doubt. We talked about how doubt doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It can be channeled into something productive. As long as it doesn't rule our life it can be used as a building block. I just thought I would jot this down, and I thought this was a pretty good place to do it. I have a lot of doubt in my life. I doubt myself. I doubt the human race (I lose faith in it a lot). There are things that I don't lose faith in, but I do doubt sometimes. I guess that's all for now. I just need to chew on this...like a good piece of gristle....(that's just an analogy...I don't chew on gristle....that...is....gross).

well....

So I had just finished writing my post for this week, and my the computer I'm on deleted it....just deleted it! What did I ever do to you Mr. Computer!!! Jerk...
I guess the post was kind of lame anyway, maybe it was doing me a favor. Maybe I'm giving an electronic item that isn't alive too much credit, maybe...??
I've got three more weeks left of school, and let me tell you I'm ready for them to be over. I'm going to be in Long Barn, CA this summer, and it can not possibly get here fast enough. Yosemite flipping Park will basically be my backyard. Come on now...
I'm trying to stay focused on school, but it's not really working. I'm trying to make this blog fun and witty, but that's not really working either. Maybe if I just sit here for a minute something will come to me........................................................................................................................................................ no....that didn't really work either. How can I possibly be expected to stay indoors on a day like this. I think I'm going to go outside and play. I encourage you to do the same.

Domo Arigato Mr Roboto?

We went on a "field trip" to sci-port the other day. It was...interesting. It was a workshop for future teachers on how to conduct and get in order a field trip to THE Sci-Port. They waxed poetically at the building. It was new this and new that. You must bring your class of 30 to the Lewis and Clark Imax movie! It was all kind of routine, and then she mentioned....the robots...dun dun dun. I don't know about you, but robots have always creeped me out. Their cold steely bodies...and crazy eyes. I didn't even like Rosie from The Jetsons! Apparently Sci-Port is going to be getting a robot exhibit. Must we? I mean really, must we? I know this is an irrational fear, but have you seen IRobot? Well, Have you???!!!(I'm directing these questions to the people at Sci-Port, not you, I'm not yelling at you). I for one am not going to be a fan of the future if it involves Artifical Intelligence overthrowing our human race. Just saying.

I'm dry...like a piece of toast with no jelly

We've made our way back from spring break and settled into our first week back to school (that is finished praise the Lord). Spring Break is a tease, just a prom night tease. Don't get me wrong I love spring break. We have a had a good relationship all these umpteen years I have been continuing my education. As spring solstice draws nigh the anticipation of spring break is on the horizon. Students wait with baited breath for the week before or after Easter (depending on what school). A week of pure uninhibited laziness and fodder. Productivity is the unforgiveable sin. I follow that mantra. I tried to convince myself to do this and do that. Get that paper written and write that lesson plan. I did none of it. Spring break brings out the devil's advocate in all of us. While the sane rational side is pleading for us to have some sense and get some work finished, the lazy procrastinator on the other shoulder bellows this is spring break! "Don't you deserve a break," whilst shaking his fist angrily in the air. I fell prey to his charms. Now, of course, I stew in my own regret (it tastes a bit like crow). With the mound of things I have to do this weekend, I could just kick myself for not being more responsible. I thought this time would rejuvenate and replenish. It did neither. It made me long for May like it was a lover lost at sea. I am motivated, but not all at the same time. I want to get work done, but I also want to play outside with my friends. Sigh. The official countdown has commenced. Five more weeks till glorious May.

Here is my article link
http://www.slate.com/id/2187561/

Your genetic flaws I say say it all. . .

I think the standard for women annnnd men today is unfair, as far as the external goes. Since I am not a man, nor I have ever been a man, nor do I ever plan on being a man, I can't speak for them. I can just speak for women, and not all women, just me and the women I'm close to.
I think it's smart to be realistic about what your body looks like. Healthy body image is a rare find these days. Most women, myself included, have a really distorted view of what they look like. I believe my friends are beautiful and effervescent. Sometimes all they see is extra jiggle around the middle.
I'm not a size 2. I have never been a size 2. I am 5"10 for crying out loud...I would look like a flagpole...and although they harbor our nations flag...I still don't want to look like one. It's taken me 22 years to accept the fact that I will never weigh 115 pounds....it's just not healthy. It's taken me 22 years to realize that I'm not what the world would consider a great beauty. I'm not blonde...I have dark brown hair. The afforementioned hair is curly (only straight when I straighten it, which is usually once a week). 9 times out of 10 it's in a pony tail. I can be seen in jeans any day of the week, and wearing a t-shirt that I probably received for free from a church or bcm function. I don't wear a lot of make-up. That takes too much time...I'd rather sleep. My shoe collection consists of flip flops, chuck taylor's, and a dirty pair of new balance running shoes. I don't go out on dates every weekend, because I'm usually with friends somewhere. I'm not a straight-A student. I'd rather be painting somewhere or flying a kite.
...and I'm okay with that...all of it

Check the big times that got the heart of a robot...

I never really have ever understood boys. Their thought process...how they make decisions baffle me. How totally wonderful and yet stupid they can simultaneously be. Please don't get me wrong, 3/4 of my friends are boys, and I love them dearly. I am not afraid to tell them when I think they are being idiots, as far as women are concerned. These men that I love like brothers can be the biggest jerks to their girlfriends, wives, mothers, sisters, etc. That's when the palm of my hand slaps the back of their head.
I guess the point of all this is that all guys can be jerks (just like all girls). I know this person who likes to make the world think he is the nicest guy ever. He is a wonderful guy...he is sweet, thoughtful, and sincere. However, I have heard some of the meanest things about other people come out of this "wonder" boys mouth. What's wrong with this picture? I think we should just be honest with people and ourselves. My friends know that I would bend over backwards for any of them, but there are times when I need space. When I need to take a breath and step back. I don't think anyone expects anyone to be perfect...just honest. If you are sarcastic and mean to everyone behind their back and "super christian" boy to their face it's going to bite you in the butt.
If you are in a bad mood, for crying out loud, just admit you are in a bad mood instead of being passive aggressive! This is more of rant and will hardly make sense because it is so.

*this post is brought to you buy the overusage of quotation marks, commas, and ellipse's(?) and frustration in general...enjoy

Son of a bee sting, Mother frito...

There are many unsaid rules of being a christian here in the bible belt (many of which I do not agree with, some I do...."work out your OWN salvation with trembling and fear"-Phillipians 2:12...booya)
Rule #1-Do not consume alcohol...ever... do not pass go...do not collect 200 dollars, even though I think this problem is pretty much isolated to the South. I think if you take anything to the extreme it's a bad thing (shopping, gossiping, eating, etc.). I don't think you are going to hell if you have a beer (please see scripture mentioned above, it's different for everyone)

Rule#2-Tithe, this one I believe with my whole heart, there is nothing more joyous than trusting God with everything...including your finances

Rule#3-Be at church everytime the doors are open...personally I think we need to get outside the four walls and interact with people, you know do what Jesus did, love people and meet them where they are. Somehow I don't think Christ envisioned his bride (the church) to be a lazy broad who sits at home in her bath robe...

Rule #4-Do no curse, cuss, swear, whatever you want to call it....don't do it...just don't....I personally am not pro-cursing or anti-cursing. I think if all people have to worry about it is a few four letters words...they might should re-prioritize. I think ironic cursing is funny...sorry...I don't think that makes me any less of a Christ follower...I do, however, become annoyed when I think that's all people say. I just wanna shake em by the shoulders and tell them to read a book, it increases your vocabulary.

Rule#5-Love people. It's true. A life postured after Christ is a life full of love for the human race. We don't try to be perfect, or at least I don't, it's impossible and tiring. A constant prayer is for God to break my heart for what breaks him.

I know the church has really screwed some things up. Some really great churches have been lumped in with some really crappy churches. I think we are on the verge of a new awakening. People are finally starting to get it. Even here in the bible belt. We have a way to go...but at least we are moving forward.

The one where you laugh and laugh and laugh....

"I would love to see U2 in 3D but I'll probably have nightmares about Bono's glasses taking over my body."

Can I just say that I love my friends. A lot. My friends are my family. They are the people I lean on when I start to tumble over. I have been immensely blessed with people that will call me out when I do something stupid, love me when I'm hurting, and make me laugh harder than a marathon of The Office. I am never bored with these people. They say that you should only be able to count your true friends on one hand....well, I need both my hands, and perhaps a foot. My friends say random, crazy, ridiculous, and inappropriate things. That is certifiably the thing I love about them the most. The above quote is something a friend of mine said to me last night. We are going to see the U2 concert in 3D at Tinseltown because a) I have a giftcard b) those cool 3D glasses and c)what could be better than a 30ft version of The Edge. I won't be cliche' or cheesy, but God really does place people in your life. I'm not saying that God revolves everyone else's world around mine but that we are all instrisically involved with one another. It's a system of checks and balances. I like the system. It's worked out pretty great so far. They say you never really keep the same friends. I say let's debunk that myth....

“Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;Which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.I carry your heart.I carry it in my heart.”

E.E. Cummings

Today is Valentine's Day. I have always been indifferent about this holiday. I have had Valentines that have brought me flowers and taken me to fancy dinners. I have had Valentines Days when I was just with my friends and that was grand. I think the emphasis on this holiday is that it is for people who are in relationships. It's for people who kiss and hold hands and make babies together. Yes, it is for those people, but what are the other people supposed to do. The majority I believe don't mind being single on a days such as this. I think people who are in a relationship look at the poor single people and pity them. Poor single people who are alone on this day of love. I believe we are supposed to love the other 364 days in the year. I don't think love calls for special holidays or flowers. I think it calls for finding the wonderful in the mundane areas of life. Love isn't about how much I can buy and spend. Yes, granted, people do like to be acknowledged and appreciated but don't just do it on this day because it's a government issued holiday. I would trade all the flowers, gifts, and fancy dinners in the world to love someone who makes me laugh on an ordinary Tuesday as opposed to showering me with gifts on a holiday. I guess a lot of people will probably disagree with me and that's fine. I plan on having a wonderful time tonight with friends who make me laugh and bring me joy.

The times they are a changing....

I like looking retrospectively at my life. I like to do this in one year increments. I can look back a year now in my life and it's always so different year to year. This is one of the things that gives me joy in my life. Things are always changing. I'm an advocate for change. I sometimes think that if we aren't changing then we are being stagnant and irrelevant. I love looking back and seeing who I was close to and who I'm close to now; if I was in a relationship or single. Now this is the conundrum I find myself in. These words above are true. I believe what I just typed, however, there is something beautiful about not changing. I think there is something mystical about being still and just appreciating life. Sometimes I feel like I have a healthy mix of this at other times I feel like my life couldn't be more opposite.

I can't believe I am graduating in two semesters. This will be the biggest change that I could possibly go through with the exception of motherhood and being a wife. This college life feels like it has been going on forever and went by as if I was going through some warp zone. I feel like an adult and a child. I am excited and terrified. I feel prepared and ill-prepared at the same time. Is that normal? I don't think anyone is ever ready for massive changes like that. I think it just all has to do with how you handle them, a person's attitude if you will. I plan to take it in stride pretty much like everything in my life. I guess we'll see how it all pans out. I'll just enjoy where I'm at in my life now.

"Silly girl..."

As I walked into church with my black peacoat and scarf cinched up to my chin as to not let the canadian-esque winds get to me; I thought this would be the same ole' service. I make my way past a few groups of people being ever gracious, smiley, and courteous. I stopped to talk to my friend Ashley, she seemed extra smiley and her eyes grew wide. I, thinking maybe she's just really happy today, didn't ask. I am talking to her about my usual escapades of life, love, and the pursuit of happines, when I hear,"Have you met sarah?" I whiz around to see who this person is only to look eye to eye with you a.k.a. the person who makes me forget I have legs. He calmly and cooly says,"Yeah...you went to go see Sweeney Todd with us." All I can do at this point is nod and hope that I don't drool on his feet.

Needless to say, church was a bust that night. My preacher could have been saying that Jesus was in the sky with a white horse and I woudn't have noticed. After the service had ended he turned around and began speaking to us. I'm not actually sure what he said. All I know is that I laughed....a lot. I remember thinking you are being one of the silly giggly girls that you can 't stand. I remember thinking this is not funny....why are you laughing you crazy laugher?!?! Skip to the next night when a group of us went to see "Cloverfield." I am cool, calm, and collected. I knew he was going to be there but pep talks to myself in the car before I arrived seemed to have help the nerves. This logic goes out the window when I see him. I have never met anybody who makes me nervous like that. I just start laughing again....it's my fatal flaw.

One day I'll stop laughing.....maybe.